So we’ve established that humanity is the result of three, possibly four, separate hominids who interbred eons ago. How did that happen? Here’s where the crazy really begins.
Texas Arcane theorizes that in the Paleolithic era, the melonheads ruled a civilization that was at least equal to ours in terms of scientific development, and possibly superior. Cro-Magnons and other hominids were easily enslaved by melonheads due to their inferior cognitive capabilities. Melonhead dominion was global in scope, explaining the presence of similar looking pyramid structures from Egypt to North America, as well as the presence of melonhead remains in far-flung places such as Malta and Peru. Their slaves worshipped them as gods, going so far as to deform their childrens’ skulls to look more like them, a practice that Neanderthals also engaged in.
At the same time that the melonheads presided over a degenerate slave empire, the Neanderthals thrived on their own in Europe and the Middle East. The melons ignored them because while they were too intelligent and independent to submit to their dominion, they were also technologically primitive and kept to themselves, akin to the Amish.
A hundred thousand years ago, however, the melons decided to exterminate the Thals for reasons that remain unclear. The most plausible hypothesis is that the Neanderthals were showing signs of evolving out of their primitive existence, and consequently becoming a threat to melonhead domination. After several failed attempts, they came up with a Final Solution circa 40,000 B.C.: Homo Sapiens. Cro-Magnon DNA was spliced with monkey DNA and other things to create a hyper-libidinous race of zombie spear-chuckers. Evidence of this engineering is present in modern humans’ genetics:
- Of the 20,000-30,000 genes that humans possess, 110 have no analogue in any other known species, while another 113 have only analogues among bacteria. (Note: in that link, Koanic argues that humans were ultimately engineered by aliens, a hypothesis I don’t agree with, mainly because there’s little evidence for it.)
- All humans have nine chromosomal inversions. The idea that they’re the result of natural evolution is unlikely, because inversions are recessive and occur by chance; after each inversion occurred, all the humans that didn’t have it would have to have all died in some catastrophe.
- Human beings suffer from exponentially more genetic disorders than any other primate (whom we supposedly evolved from); about 4,000, as opposed to the few dozen or hundred that gorillas and the like have. Additionally, our genetic disorders are more severe, and many of them are fatal (such as sickle cell anemia or Huntington’s). No lifeform with this number of debilitating genetic diseases could have evolved naturally.
Homo Sapiens was imbued with a deep, instinctual hatred of Neanderthals—which manifests today in the extreme bullying and social censure that Aspies and the autistic face, giving them a suicide rate far above the average—and sent north into Europe to wipe out the Thals, Genghis Khan-style.
The problem is that Sapiens was too stupid to do the job right. Because K-selected species have considerably more sexual dimorphism than r-selected ones, Neanderthal women were more attractive on average than Sapiens girls. Sub-Saharan Africa, which to this day remains the most r-selected environment on Earth, is notorious for women who look like men and men who look like women:
Instead of exterminating all the Neanderthals, Sapiens men systematically captured and raped Thal women over thousands of years, all but ignoring their own girls in the process. The resulting hybrid race was subsequently more intelligent and less malleable than what the melonheads intended. While the Thals were destroyed, the price the melons paid was the fall of their empire, as their Sapiens-Neanderthal thralls eventually chafed at the yoke and revolted.
Ancient Egypt was the last stand of the melonhead civilization: both artistic depictions of the pharaohs and analyses of mummified Egyptian royalty show that King Tut, Nefertiti, Ramesses II etc. had significantly enlarged, melon-like skulls. By this point, the “pure” melonhead stock had degraded due to internal revolt and massive inbreeding. Melonhead genes live on in modern man due to Sapiens rape of melons and/or melons having their way with their thralls, akin to how Southern plantation owners regularly had liaisons with their most attractive slaves.
This theory doesn’t incorporate the starchildren, mainly because Tex doesn’t acknowledge the existence of the starchildren. Again, I’m not fully convinced of them myself.
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